Power and Nuclear Jokes

The thermographer scanned the electrical panel and found one connection glowing bright white against its cool neighbors. The electrician was skeptical. "Looks fine to me." The thermographer handed him the image. The electrician studied it for a long moment, then went to get the torque wrench.

The inspector measured the remaining wall under the pump house floor. 'Remaining thickness is 0.210 inch,' he said. 'Required is 0.250.' 'How far off is that?' asked the apprentice. 'Forty thousandths,' said the inspector. 'About ten sheets of paper, all of them missing.'

I've figured out why it's called the graveyard shift.

Nuclear plant outage crews have a special kind of job security.

What did the dosimeter say to the inspector at the end of the shift?

Outage PPE: three layers of everything, and the size is always 'one size fits nobody.'

At a nuclear outage, the dose is tracked to a thousandth of a rem and the schedule to the nearest 'about.'

You might be an outage technician if you know your dosimeter better than your phone.

The new technician packed for her first outage: hard hat, safety glasses, gloves, harness, flashlight and three pens. The Level III checked the list and nodded. 'Perfect. Now add ten more pens.'

The site's safety lead finished orientation and asked for questions. The new technician raised his hand. 'Where's the nearest muster point?' She handed him a gold star for his hard hat.

At the power plant, I spent three hours finding the right gate, an hour at security and six hours on the inspection. My boss asked if I had any recommendations. 'Yes,' I said. 'A map.'

How long is a refueling outage?

A dosimeter is the most loyal coworker you will ever have. It goes everywhere you go and quietly keeps track.

The turbine blade inspector was always on edge. Leading edge, to be exact.

Why do feedwater heater tubes never win arguments?

You might be an outage inspector if you've planned your whole week around a four-hour window that opens when someone else finishes.

You might work in nuclear if you've signed in, signed out, and signed for the same pencil.

The outage manager asked how long the weld inspection would take. 'Two hours,' said the inspector. The manager wrote two hours, then added the walk to the weld, the permit and the scaffold. 'Four hours,' he said. 'Now it's accurate.'

At the pre-job briefing, the inspector asked for the dose estimate. 'Five minutes in the area,' said the planner. 'The inspection takes forty.' 'I planned for the ideal inspector.' 'Meet the real one,' said the inspector, 'who needs forty minutes and a revised radiation work permit.'

The outage was set for ten days,
With plans in a bright-colored maze.
By the fourth, we were late,
By the sixth, it was fate,
And the schedule was lost in a haze.

Outage (n.): The only time a power plant is happy to be producing nothing.

Refueling Floor (n.): The one place in the plant where everyone talks quietly, walks slowly, and still runs out of time.

Ever notice that a boiler has miles of tubes, and the one that needs attention is always at the far end of the last row?

Nobody warns you that the outage badge office has a longer line than the plant has pipes.

Why was the boiler tube so sensitive?

What happens to a steam generator tube with a relevant indication that is too large?

How many outage inspectors does it take to change the plan?

Steam generator inspection is a tube-ular career.

I asked the turbine inspector how the rotor looked. 'Balanced,' he said. 'Unlike the schedule.'

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Outage.
Outage who?

An outage schedule measured in hours is the only calendar where lunch counts as a milestone.

Eddy currents flow in circles, and so does the outage meeting.

An outage is a power plant's way of saying 'We're out, but you're in.'

What is an outage with no delays?

How many hours are in an outage day?

Why do outage workers read the radiation work permit so carefully?

In an outage, everything is measured in hours: the work, the dose, the schedule, and the line for the break room.

The outage schedule is the one document every department reads and every department disagrees with.

You might be an outage inspector if you know what time it is by which pre-job briefing you are attending.

'How many steam generator tubes are left?' Carlos asked. 'About three thousand,' said the lead. 'Great,' said Carlos. 'I'll be done by Thursday.' It was Monday. By Wednesday the outage clock had moved the finish line to Saturday. Carlos quietly rescheduled his weekend. It had gotten used to it.

Outage clock ticks on,
tubes passed, forms signed, doses logged,
day twelve of twenty.

Critical Path (n.): The chain of jobs that can't slip, and the one the inspection always lands on.

Nobody warns you that an outage is long enough to learn every name in the plant and short enough to forget them all before the next one.

Ever notice that the most precise thing in a plant outage is the clock, and the least precise is the estimate?

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Outage.
Outage who?