Aerospace Jokes

A new inspector proudly flagged a bright spot at the bottom of the bore. The senior inspector looked at the screen, said nothing, and gently wiped the borescope lens with a cloth. The spot left with the smudge.

Shearography is the only inspection that works because of a little tension.

Bond testing is a real relationship method: you tap, you listen, and you find out where the commitment is weak.

Why is shearography the most patient inspection method?

What did the tap hammer say to the honeycomb panel?

Coin-tap testing is the one inspection method whose equipment you can find in the couch cushions.

Disbond (n.): Two layers that once promised to stick together and now sound dull when tapped.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Honeycomb.
Honeycomb who?

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Shear.
Shear who?

Do you do bond testing? Because I'd love to know how strong we are, and I promise to tap gently.

The aircraft inspector checked every lockwire on the engine twice.

Why did the aircraft inspector refuse the coffee in the hangar?

Hangar night shift: bright lights, spotless floors, and a vending machine that's still empty.

In aerospace inspection, 'it's just a scratch' triggers a six-page form.

A technician reported a missing wrench at the end of a hangar shift. All work stopped. Forty people searched every compartment for two hours. It was in his hip pocket. Nobody ever lost that wrench again, because nobody let him forget it.

Are you a borescope? Because you light up even the darkest corners of my engine.

Nobody warns you that in aerospace inspection, the smallest tool in the drawer has the longest paperwork.

What is the most common thing found on a foreign object debris walk?

A delamination is just a laminate that needed some space.

Bolt hole inspection is never boring. It's just full of bores.

What does an inspector get for finding a crack on the last day of a heavy check?

How do you know an audit has started?

You might be an aircraft inspector if you can't walk past a fastener without checking the torque stripe.

You might be an aerospace inspector if you've written 'no findings' and then been asked if you really looked.

The mechanic watched the inspector tap along a panel with a small hammer. 'Is that scientific?' he asked. 'It is,' she said. 'It has been peer-reviewed by every inspector who ever said, "That sounds wrong."'

On day one of the heavy check, the planner asked the inspector where the airplane was. The inspector pointed at forty labeled bins, three work stands and a fuselage with every panel open. 'That's her,' she said. 'She's just spread out a little.'

Tap, tap, tap, then thud.
The panel hides a secret.
The hangar goes still.

Foreign Object Debris (n.): Anything on the hangar floor that wasn't there the last time the inspector looked.

Heavy Check (n.): An inspection so thorough that the airplane gets to see parts of itself it has never seen.

Audit Findings (n.): The only things an inspector hopes not to find.

Ever notice that an aircraft is the only machine where the first thing you check is the last thing somebody fixed?

Ever notice that every airplane has a perfect maintenance record until you open the panel behind the panel behind the panel?

Ever notice that the inspector's stamp is the smallest tool in the hangar and carries the most weight?

Every aircraft part has a paper trail, and sometimes the paper weighs more than the part.

The airline wants the airplane in the air, the regulator wants it on the ground until it's right, and the inspector is the only one who can read both clocks.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Fastener.
Fastener who?

What did the wing skin say to the eddy current coil?

Day three of the heavy check, and the aircraft finally opened up to the inspector.

The inspector told the first row of fastener holes she was with them for the long haul.

Why did the inspector bring a coin to the composite panel?

What is the heaviest part of a heavy check?

The first thing removed in a heavy check is the interior. The second is the schedule's optimism.

The return-to-service date is the only part of the aircraft nobody ever opens up for inspection.

You might be an aerospace inspector if...

Before the wing was closed up, the inspector counted her tools out loud. 'Twelve,' she said. Then she counted again. The crew chief asked why. 'The wing closes in an hour,' she said, 'and the tool count is the one number nobody negotiates.' The crew chief nodded and started counting his own pockets.

Panels laid in rows,
the wing's secrets all exposed.
Deadline: Friday noon.

Return to Service (n.): The date that was chosen before the aircraft was opened.

Task Card (n.): A single sheet of paper that begins with the word 'Inspect' and ends with three more sheets of paper.

Ever notice that the fastener you need to inspect is always behind the one panel nobody can find the key for?

Nobody warns you that the flashlight is the busiest tool in a heavy check, and the one nobody remembers to charge.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hangar.
Hangar who?